Don't Feed the Fear Monster

"A conscious choice to be happy is a form of resistance."

“This monster feeds on our terror and what they represent are people who eat fear…These people need cynicism. They need apathy. They eat fear. They need chaos. They need anxiety. And the more we give them that, the bigger they get. All of these big, scary things, it reminds me of the end of The Wizard of Oz when they yank bank the curtain and it’s a small, scared, incompetent, little man.”

from Giphy

I haven’t stopped thinking of that quote since I watched this interview with Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez a few days ago. Because she’s absolutely right.

I’ve been pretty mum on this platform the last month. In part because I was swamped with work. In part because the world felt like it was falling apart and my words were the most fragile Band-Aid placed on top of broken bones. In part because I was paralyzed by fear with what I was witnessing when reading the news from my home country—a country I struggled to recognize with each passing day. This past month, the fear had taken hold of me.

But I’m done with that.

I’m not feeding the fear monster any longer.

“A conscious choice to be happy is a form of resistance…There’s almost this idea that you’re not allowed to be happy in the U.S. when there is suffering going on and that is the opposite…You’re allowed to be happy! You’re allowed to cultivate joy. In fact, you need to, because our job is to build the world that we want. If we do not allow ourselves to gather with friends, to be happy, then we are not reminding ourselves of why we’re doing any of this.” -Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez

Let me be clear: I’m not holding up a megaphone shouting “Step right up, step right up, folks! Put your head in the sand, right here!!!!” This is not an invitation to shy away from anything that scares you or makes you shudder when you read it. Because what’s happening in the U.S. and around the world right now has immense consequences and shouldn’t be—can’t be—something we ignore.¹

But! We also shouldn’t live, sleep, eat, breathe this chaos. We can register it, we can process it, and then we can figure out what our options are and do the best we can every single day.² And we can find the people we love who will do the hard work alongside us.

I once heard pop singer Meghan Trainor, known for body positivity anthems like “All About that Bass” and “Made You Look,” say that over the years, countless fans have thanked her for writing songs that have allowed them to love themselves and their bodies. That’s when she revealed that she wrote those songs not because she felt confident in her own skin, but the opposite. It was what she needed to hear in that moment. And I just want to say: that is me, right now, writing this post. Putting down all the things that I need to hear.

And maybe you too?

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"I begin to feel that life is worth living as long as there's a laugh in it."

That quote is from the third book in the Anne of Green Gables series, Anne of the Island, and I think we need to hold onto that as much as we can right now. Here’s a collection of small things that made me happy or laugh this past week:

• On the train, there is a group of young adults hanging out. In Southern Germany, it’s common to say “Ciao” or “Tschüss” for goodbye. When one friend leaves the train, she calls back “Ciao-ee!” to which her friend immediately replies, “Tschüss-ee!” to which my husband and I immediately look at each other like 🥹🥹

• Cute little curly-haired black pup on the U-Bahn. A boy is standing and looking at the pup. He asks the owner in a timid voice if he can pet it. She says yes. The boy, tender as can be, reaches out to pet the pup, who seems just as shy as the boy. Two gentle souls colliding.

• Bus pulls up to the bus stop. A young woman is running down the street at full speed. (A usual sight for those who live in a city.) A man walking on the sidewalk shoots her a big smile, claps his hand, cheers her on. And she makes it!

• The kind

  Jonathan Delp
  reached out out of the blue to send me a note of encouragement: “I hope you write something that means something to you this week.” That’s what finally motivated me to write this post.

• Late night Galentine’s Day dinner and drinks. As we leave the bar well past midnight, a dreamy little snow flurry drifts down from the sky, glistening in the bright moonlight. Like the children we never quite outgrew, we spend ten minutes standing in the alley trying (and hilariously failing) to catch snowflakes on our tongues.

Now, your turn. What made you happy this week?

Remember: “A conscious choice to be happy is a form of resistance.” Stay happy, friends. 💛

1. This is NOT to diminish any very real fear people have of losing their jobs, getting deported, getting displaced, losing their rights, etc. This is rather for those who are taking on the collective trauma of every story that comes out and getting swallowed whole by the fear and anxiety of it all.

2. For U.S. friends, I found the excellent “5 Calls” app that gives you contact information of your representatives, overviews of what is happening, and scripts to us when you call.