Wise Words from Wise Women
Advice for 30-year-olds
Once upon a time, in January 2019, I went to a community theatre show with a group of new friends. (The show was called Seminar, about a group of writers, which was very apt for us, a group of writers.) After the show, we found ourselves in a bar nearby, where we proceeded to laugh and drink and all collectively fall in love with our server named Thane.
Most of the group was in their 30s, and at the time, I was a wee lil’ 24-year-old. I was struck by how hilarious, joyful, and carefree these new friends were. They carried themselves with a confidence I couldn’t yet understand. They joked with the server and each other without an ounce of shame, whereas I was a collection of flushed cheeks and awkward giggles.
They teased me (as the best kind of friends do) about how I was still at the age where I care what others think of me. One of the friends, Bethany, smiled and said, “Don’t worry. Turning thirty is like kicking off a pair of heels and slipping into a cozy pair of slippers.”
I never forgot that piece of wisdom. Over the years, I clung to it like a prayer, waiting and waiting for my pair of slippers to appear.
My cozy slippers have arrived at last. This week I turned thirty.
Recently, I was listening to Julia Louis-Dreyfus’s podcast Wiser Than Me. I’m not usually a podcast listener, but I am a sponge who loves soaking up wisdom from those around me, which led me to give it a try. In this podcast, Julia embarks on touching, hilarious, and tender conversations with iconic older women who are overflowing with wisdom. So far, I’ve listened to her delightful conversations with Anne Lamott, Amy Tan, Carol Burnett, and Julie Andrews. I plan to listen to more over the next few weeks. The “about” description of the podcast says it best: All Hail Old Women!
This podcast reminded me that I have a lot of wonderful older women in my life who are much wiser than me. As I embark on this new decade, why not reach out to them and see what wisdom they’d like to share with me? (And, by extension, all of you.)
So!!! Let’s slip on our cozy slippers, grab a glass of our favorite drink, step out onto the porch/patio/deck/balcony/nearby park, and enjoy this wisdom from the wise women in my life!!!
(Included in this post are pictures of Prague. My husband planned a weekend trip here to celebrate my birthday. My first time in the Czech Republic did not disappoint!!!!)
My friend Jules, 37:
There's a quote, “Always focus on how far you've come, rather than how far you have to go.” I think it's good advice.
The thirties are a wonderful decade. It's the first time in our lives where the rate of change and growth starts to slow down and level out. We have a chance to slow down and level out on a personal level, too. Slow growth makes for stronger roots.
My friend Ashini, 55:
The 30s are the years of productivity and making things happen. You spent your 20's wandering, creating dreams, making mistakes, and fiddling away time. Now, at 30, you need to spring into action and make things happen. This could be as big as changing careers or moving to Europe or as simple as getting blonde highlights (which is what I did!). In your 30s, you have the energy, the optimism and wisdom to keep going forward. It's an exciting chapter that's starting!
My friend Natalya, 39:
Dear women entering the 30s,
Before I depart the 30s decade this fall, let me welcome you here, my friends. Come in, have a seat by the fire, and pick up some knitting, crocheting, or another craft you enjoy. You will need it on the days you want to leave that crazy world out there and just sit in peace with yourself for a bit.
If you like her—amazing! That puts you ahead of the game. And if you don’t, well, that’s why we’re all here, dear darlings. The 30s decade is about that: finding peace, rediscovering what you want and like, exploring new things. This is the time when we realize that we’re the adults we’ve been waiting for. No one else is coming to save us, guide us, or make our decisions for us. Bummer, I know! But, it has its privileges—we can do as we damn, please. There is no “shoulds,” there is no “gotta,” and there is no “have to.” Can you imagine? I’m still trying to get used to that!
Towards the end of my 30s I discovered a mind-blowing thing that I had a hard time wrapping my brain around….our to-do lists do not matter. I know you’re probably making a face at the screen right now—“what is this lady talking about, of course, they matter, they are all the things I must get done!” Well, sweety, guess what? You don’t. I cannot explain the science behind it (and I am sure there must be) but things that must get done will get done. Things that don’t matter that much will just fall off your plate. And everything is going to be fine. And if it isn’t yet, keep your head up, do what you like, take care of your body, mind, and soul and you’ll see—it’s all going to be beautiful. Because you are, and it’s your life you’re living. So just bloom, you lovely flower. And play in the breeze.
P.S. Also, I highly recommend journaling. A lot. Partially because that’s how you discover your inner wisdom (and trust me, you have plenty of it). And partially because your memory will start to go and you just have to write things down.
My Mother-in-law Arleen, 69:
Follow your own path. You have a lifetime to correct it if it didn't work out.
Don't listen to what people say you should be doing, if it was them, etc… Too many people aren’t encouraging when you feel otherwise. God gives us the gift of instinct and we don't use it enough when it would benefit us. Some insight from others can be a good thing when it's thought provoking, but I wish I took more chances. Life is precious, it’s not a bad thing to beat to a different drummer!
Utilize the beautiful earth God gave us and live life while you can. Health is everything!
My Sister-in-law Allyson, 43:
Stay curious and keep learning. While that applies to anyone at any age, I feel like my thirties were where I truly learned about the way the world works. I really began to feel like an adult. There were highs and lows like I’d never imagined, but I learned lessons at each turn. I’m 43, and I think I’m applying what I’ve learned now. It feels SO GOOD to have that wisdom. The wisdom I used to seek is now within me. It’s a beautiful feeling, and it is Life.
My aunt Maxine, 50s:
Live true to yourself. Always look for the joy. It isn’t always possible and life will certainly knock you down from time to time, but if you look for the joy and the goodness, it puts a new perspective on life.
Lovely human & former coworker Stef, 49:
Wherever you are in your life, take a moment to acknowledge it and tell yourself: “this is the season of my life right now.” No emotions. Just acknowledgement that you are HERE, that the NOW is valuable in and of itself. Reminding yourself of your presence in each moment is an act of grace, an act of self-love. Feeling overweight and exhausted? “This is the season my body is in right now.” Feeling stuck with a project or assignment? “My brain is providing the focus it can give me right now.” Feeling absolutely elated? “This joy is beautiful!” And through all of it, trust that being alive is its own gift. Don’t worry your life away. Cherish it.
Lovely human & former coworker Florence, 64:
Don’t stress so much about what TOMORROW will bring that you fail to stop, appreciate and thank God for what wonderful things are happening in your life TODAY.
Lovely human & former coworker Martha, 54:
Don’t overthink it! Just do it! Overthinking can take you away from so many nice, cool, exciting, new things to happen.
Lovely human & former coworker Szilvi, 50:
Have good boundaries. With everyone. Boundaries are actually love. Also, saying yes to something that will take away from important things you would rather do is not really a yes.
Definitely put a wet paper towel over your leftovers before you put them in the microwave. You will always have great tasting lunches that have good texture, and if this is at work, you will leave the microwave clean for the next person. And that is love.
Always have a pile of books. It is tough to finish a great book and feel let down, not knowing what to read next. What if nothing is that good following that great book? But, if you have a good ol' pile, you will not feel that way.
Go on the adventure you are dreaming about. The most precious thing is time with your loved ones. (I know this is a huge cliche, but it can still be true, right?) Drag them along on that adventure. You will have great stories to tell, no matter what.
If you can, don't check a bag for trips shorter than a week. Leaving the airport right after you land makes you feel like a superhero whose superpower is leaving the airport without waiting for luggage.
Everything turns into a story, even bad things, sad things. They might even be bittersweet or funny, it just depends on how much time has passed. So if anything happens that makes you feel sad or frustrated, know that in time, you will be telling or writing that story, and it will be okay.
Lovely human & former coworker Pascal, 55:
Don’t get so caught up in other people’s lives that you don’t live your own. Get all your baselines done — your health matters and you are not invincible.
Lovely human & former coworker Laura, 60s:
Prioritize Your Health: Regular exercise, a balanced diet, and routine medical check-ups are crucial. Your body will thank you later.
Invest in Relationships: Nurture your connections with family and friends. Quality relationships enrich life and provide a solid support system.
Financial Planning: Start or continue saving and investing. It's never too late to plan for the future, and financial security brings peace of mind.
Embrace Change: Life will keep evolving. Embrace changes and adapt. Flexibility and resilience are key to navigating life's ups and downs.
Keep Learning: Stay curious and continue learning, whether through formal education, reading, or new experiences. It keeps your mind sharp and engaged.
And for God’s sake, don’t take yourself too seriously.
Lovely human & former coworker Colleen:
Your thirty-year-old you should know that this is a woman’s “coming of age” time. It means you’ve grown into who you are. Spread your beautiful wings and fly. Do what you want to do; try new things; challenge yourself. You are NEVER too old to learn new things. The best of you pours out now. That being said, time is precious, so spend it with the people who bring life into your world and are treasures. Guard your heart and keep your priorities in order. Love will get you through times with no money better than money will get you through times with no love.
Lovely humans & coworkers Susan & Paula:
Take your PTO. All of it. Every year.
Lovely human & former coworker Saria, 60:
I say “Love yourself and Love those around you because life on this earth is very short.” I always think of God because He is Love (1 John 4:8).
Definition of Love: “Love is patient and kind, love does not envy or boast: it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices in truth” (1 Cor 13:4).
Lovely human & former coworker Heather, 54:
Stop caring what other people think about you. It’s a total waste of your time! It will get you nowhere, and it doesn’t make a difference anyway.
Lovely human & former coworker Tammi:
Keep learning.
Objectively view life as lesson, practice non-attachment, and most of all HAVE FUN. Who cares about what society or others think where, what, how you should be? That adulting stuff is overrated!
Lastly, my family was on vacation for the 4th of July. Here’s a collection of advice texted from my mother on behalf of my extended family (ages 30s-60s):
You have time to do a lot of things. Don’t rush it.
Life is not a competition.
Buy good shoes.
The only person you should try to improve is yourself.
Try to learn something new every day.
Eat outside as much as you can.
Go skydiving!
Don’t buy a big house. A cute, cozy, well-made one is more manageable in so many ways.
Friends are as important as family.
Invest some money. Compound interest is a magical thing.
You still have so much to learn about life. Try to keep everything, good and bad, in perspective, and know “This too shall pass!”
Reach out to people when they are in a tough situation even if you don’t know what to say or do.
Think “What next?” instead of “What if?”
You don’t have to have your life figured out at 30.
What an inspiring read! Thank you for compiling these little pieces of wisdom
Ahhh I love this! Can’t wait to don my cozy slippers in a couple months with all the amazing tips 🫶🏻