Hello from a beach in New Jersey, USA!
This vlog was filmed and edited last week in Munich. Now, my husband and I are spending the week in the U.S. with our families & friends. Soaking up the sunshine (and AC), and enjoying endless amounts of free iced water at restaurants.
As a child, August always felt devastating. The end of summer and freedom. The beginning of school and responsibilities. As an adult, I still carry a bit of sadness around in August.
But this year, I’m not mourning the end of my first European summer. Instead, I am excited about experiencing my first autumn in Germany! And blogging & vlogging along the way… :)
I explain in the video why I chose C for Cooking, especially as for some people that may not seem like a challenge at all. Cooking has never come easily to me, and grocery stores always seemed overwhelming. Switch everything into German and they become even more overwhelming.
So, this challenge gave me a chance to view grocery store as something fun to explore rather than something stressful to maneuver.
***Vulnerability coming in 3…2…1…***
But I also chose C for Cooking because lately my anxiety has been manifesting in a fear of swallowing. (I didn’t even know this was a thing!)
It’s like when you think too hard about how you breathe and suddenly you forget how to do it, right? That’s me with eating right now. Here’s this thing my body has been doing since my very first day of life, and suddenly it feels impossible. I overthink everything and struggle to chew and swallow. I’m not sure why it started, and I’m not sure how to overcome it. Not yet, at least.
As a result, meal times are terrifying. My heart races and palms sweat, and a ball of dread sits in my chest. I have to coach myself through every chew, every swallow. The last few weeks, meals aren’t something I enjoy, but rather endure.
I watched Turtles All the Way Down on the flight over to the U.S. and became a sobbing mess during it. (I have this extreme talent of only picking movies on airplanes that will make me sob...) Adapted from John Green’s novel, Turtles All the Way Down tells the story of a teen who struggles to overcome her OCD.
While I don’t have OCD or share her fear of becoming ill from bacteria, I could relate so much to feeling victim to your thoughts. The “thought spirals” portrayed in the film paint an exact picture of what goes on in my mind during meal times now. It’s hard to feel like your thoughts are controlling you, and not the other way around.
But I refuse to fall victim to these anxieties. Choosing C for Cooking was my chance to take something that has been very difficult lately (meals) and turn it into a positive experience. I won’t lie, filming the last part of the vlog where I eat wasn’t easy. But I genuinely feel so proud of myself for going through with this, trying a new recipe, exploring the grocery store, and cooking a meal that I could actually enjoy.
***Vulnerability OVER!***
I hope you enjoy this vlog, and if you’d like to try cooking this recipe yourself, here is the video! Test yourself on your German vocabulary 😉
The Alphabet Challenge: C is for Cooking